People should NOT be allowed to say 'I dodged a bullet there!' unless they have ACTUALLY dodged a real live bullet. 

Like a Vietnam Vet, or similar.

Almost everyone who says this crap wouldn't know a bullet from a butt-plug...

Eskimo poles...

Travellers Hint: if you ARE travelling to a remote Eskimo community...never ask for an 'icy pole'.

(This applies to both genders.)

Psycho, Actually...

I want to see Hugh Grant with a fucked up Mohawk, a la DeNiro in TAXI DRIVER.

"I say, old bean...you talking to me, sorry to bother?"

More bad books, pls...

I'd like MORE bad books about why Bad Things Happen to Bad People. Badly...

Poor Aunt...

I actually DO have an Aunt in agony...

Einstein On The Beach.

Einstein did indeed once visit the beach...but he didn't like it.

It's all relative, I guess...

Opportunity Sucks.

Opportunity DID knock once...but it turned tail and ran, leaving a burning bag of shit on my front porch. And yes...I stomped on it. But GOOD!